~The True Story of the Mayan Calendar
December 20, 2012 Leave a comment
The Mayan calendar was put together by one of the tribesmens most mathematical geniuses named Louie, who… just happened to be a personal friend of mine. I was his personal chisel sharpener, making sure he always had a fresh blade when he called out for one.
One day Louie was outside carving away on the calendar and checking his notes as the sun was beating down intensely. I was sharpening a chisel at the time. It was over 104 degrees that afternoon, and he was beginning to sweat profusely… becoming shorter of breath with each tap of the chisel. I was gettin’ pretty overcome myself I admit… even though I was a lot younger than Louie.
Finally, Louie looks over at me and asks me if I would mine getting him something to drink, adding, “I’m not feeling too well DoubleD. I’m gonna just lay here until you get back”, to which I replied, “Hey, no problem Louie… you just take it easy there pal, and I’ll be back in a flash!”
So off I went as fast as my feet would carry me, straight for the well at the foot of the hill (going down was the easy part). I reached the well and filled the leather bota I had slung over my back, and headed back up towards the plateau. It couldn’t have been more than six or seven minutes total since I had left Louie lying there.
Well, I was right there within throwing distance of him, with the water… running as fast as I could to reach him, when out of nowhere, I tripped over a hoe that some moron had thrown on the ground, evidently sometime between when he sent me to the well, and before I got back to the scene. It turned out that was a serious loss of precious moments!
Finally reaching him, I bent over to give Louie a drink. It was then when I noticed he wasn’t breathing. I shook him a few times, but there was no response. As it turned out, Louie had gone into a sun stroke during my absence, and the rest of the crew were all standing not more than fifty feet away… pitching coins at the ledge and just having a grand old time of it… never giving poor Louie a second thought.
Well, thinking back on it, it wouldn’t have made any difference if they had seen him anyway, since none of them knew squat on how to treat sun stroke.
So… Louie died that day…. just before he could finish out the last set of numbers on the calendar… And since nobody else on the crew knew calculus… well… that’s all the further the calendar ever got!
They didn’t even know what to scribe as the ‘date of death’ on Louie’s tombstone after that!
DoubleD (Thursday, December 20, 2012AD (this is it ‘Louie, Louie… We gotta go now’!)
Well… as the last dolphin said before leaving earth, “So long, and thanks for all the fish.”
Louie and I were also the engineers in charge of building the ancient pyramids in Giza… there’s a funny story about that one…